Whether you call it marriage counseling, couples therapy or relationship counseling, what you’re signing up for is inviting a couples therapist into the life of your relationship to help you and your partner grow.
Just as every individual who comes to therapy needs something different, so do the
needs of each couple vary from relationship to relationship. Do you need a mediator?
Or someone to be the tough with you both? Is the relationship suffering from a failure
to communicate well? You may or may not have ideas about just what sort of help you
need (and you and your partner may have very different ideas), but to start, rather
than plugging you into a pre-
Let’s be honest: In couples therapy, we’re not kidding around
If you and your partner are seeking couples therapy, it’s likely there’s good reason, and you probably don’t have the time to work back through the history of your relationship and analyze the details of your personality. Sure, some of that will likely be a necessary part of getting great help, but you won’t need to hang around for weeks before we’re able to get to work.
I can handle the tough stuff
Violence, anger, drugs and alcohol, and infidelity can all challenge a relationship and if they’re a part of the picture, we need to get honest about that. These are all issues that can be confronted in working with a skilled therapist. When everyone’s committed to doing the work, being open about the ways the relationship has been hurtful (the hurt that’s been received and the hurt that’s been given), there’s room for tremendous growth.
All kinds of different relationships in couples therapy
Couples therapists come from all walks of life and I assume you do, too. While it is critical to have a couples therapist who will do the work to get to know you and your relationship, I won’t need a dictionary to understand the basics of:
- Second marriages
- Same sex relationships
- Long-
term relationships not defined by marriage - Blended families
- Adoption
- Mixed-
race marriages and relationships - Open relationships
- Relationships with a large disparity in age
- Transgender or gender non-
conforming members of a relationship
Getting started with couples therapy
While many couples come in ready to get to work, there’s understandably a good deal of apprehension around getting started with couples therapy. Often one partner is more comfortable with the idea than the other, and that’s par for the course. The biggest challenge is making the first session happen:
- The initial phone call or email: When reaching out to begin a couples therapy session, make sure to share enough information to gauge whether you want to make the initial appointment. Be aware that unless both of you are on the phone, it may be best to share little beyond the essentials so during our first session you both have the chance to present the relationship.
- The first session: You only need to commit to one session of couples therapy to start–not sign up for a whole course of therapy. This will take some of the pressure off of finding the perfect fit before the first therapy session. Bring an open mind, but also bring your questions and concerns to the first session. With that being said, be wary of using the first session just as an interview. Be open to doing some work together–that’s the best way to learn how couples therapy works and get a sense of whether we are a good fit.
- Getting the session in the books: Starting couples therapy can be a logistical challenge.
Be prepared to get creative with scheduling and willing to make some adjustments
in work and child-
care scheduling to promote success. We will provide as many options as possible and provide day and evening appointments to accommodate your scheduling needs.
How long will couples therapy take?
As long as it takes. While there is no definitive number of sessions, here are a few of the core principles that will help bring clarity to that question:
- Getting right to work: In any therapy we want to roll up our sleeves and get right to work. The focus is not on a long, slow exploration of each partner’s emotional issues. Sure, it’s important to to understand who both of you are, but I recognize that you’re coming for help because something isn’t working and we want to get serious, right away, at helping the relationship grow.
- A short-
term proposition: In that spirit, couples therapy is always best conceived of as short-term therapy. In good couples therapy the relationship gets the help it needs to grow–learning how to communicate well, how to disagree productively, how to get needs met and address difficult issues. Through that process, vulnerabilities that each member of the relationship brings to the table are identified or exposed in new ways. After successfully getting their relationship back on track, many people choose to continue with individual therapy to work on self growth areas that will ultimately add to the relationship.
Is it weird to seek couples therapy if we aren’t married?
No. In fact, only about half of the couples I see for couples therapy are married. There are all kinds of relationships, and all sorts of reasons for seeking help.
We’re not certain we plan to stay together. Does that mean we’re not ready for couples therapy?
In good couples therapy, the question of whether or not both people in the relationship are committed to continue has to be discussed, however uncomfortable that may be. I lean toward helping people find a way to live out their original commitment to each other, if that’s possible. We all know it isn’t always possible and that will be your decision, but I like to help couples see what might be possible for their relationship before they call it quits.
We don’t really have “problems” but still feel like we need some therapy.
Problems can be a tricky pitfall in therapy: We tend to understand a pre-
I’m worried we’re just going to fight the whole time. Isn’t that a waste of time and money?
You won’t fight the whole time. I promise. As part of the process of sorting through the challenging stuff of the relationship sometimes intense feelings will come out – they need to. The value of a great couples therapist is to provide a place where this can happen but to also ensure things won’t get out of control.
Can Couples Therapy create the relationship of your dreams?
Relationships are never perfect and this isn’t the goal of couples therapy. The main objective of Free Your Mind Counseling Services couples counseling is to help you embrace imperfections, capitalize on strengths and celebrate each other’s differences. Everyday we feel the pressure to have everything under control, to be free of problems, and to be madly in love with every aspect of our partner. The pressure of trying to force a relationship to be perfect can get intense. This is one reason why couples therapy is so hard: It seems like relationships shouldn’t be such a struggle and that they aren’t this hard for other couples.
By seeking solutions for the difficulties in your relationship and admitting that you need help you’re taking the first step to giving up on idealism and moving towards building a better relationship. Why is this so important? Idealism is all about how things should be. It’s shaped by the fantasy portrayed in movies, books and the facade others parade in public. Inevitably, these idealistic ideas creep in:
- My partner and I should never fight.
- I should trust my partner no matter what (what’s wrong with me if I have doubts?).
- We should have an easier time making sex fun and meaningful.
- I shouldn’t ever think about leaving.
- We shouldn’t have to work this hard.
None of these sentiments are grounded in the hard, day-
Couples therapy is seriously hard work
Most therapists, if they’re honest, will tell you that couples therapy is among the most challenging work they do. At Free Your Mind Counseling, we will work together to put out the fires and help prevent them from starting. As a team, we will establish conditions for productively sorting through the fog, creating a relationship where everyone can grow and find a way to connect and navigate the landmines that you lay for each other. That’s not easy: Everyone needs to be heard, to not feel “ganged up on” and yet it’s equally important that everyone be honest about what isn’t working and why so we can go about changing that.
Couples therapy is hard work. Signing up for couples therapy probably means having your partner expose some of your messier stuff, while having to take a look at it not just on your own terms, but on the terms the relationship needs.
If you have additional questions, or are ready to schedule an appointment, Contact Me Today! Because Your Happiness Matters.
Call: 941-
OR
Email: fymcounseling@gmail.com
Couples Therapy
Recent Posts
Stoking the Fire in Your Relationship
The No Good, Awful, Really Bad Day
COMING SOON! The Emotional Affair Trap
COMING SOON! Refuel Your Sexual Desire
Follow Us
Subscribe to our Newsletter
Helping Couples, Families and Kids Heal & Grow
Because Your Happiness Matters
Pre-
Strong unions don’t just happen, they are built. While you are busy getting all the preparations together for your big day, don’t forget the important
preparations for a love that will last a lifetime. If you are planning to get married
or making a long-
Research indicates that premarital counseling can reduce the odds of divorce by 30%.
An investment in counseling will start your committed relationship off on the right
foot. Free Your Mind Counseling Services is an approved pre-
Enter Your Email
Couples Therapy
Contact Us
Curious What Our Clients Are Saying?
T.B. reviewed Free Your Mind Counseling
“Searching for the right counselor is like searching for a needle in a haystack.
I'm here to tell you that Free Your Mind Counseling Services has the right counselor,
Grace. Grace provides non-
W.K. reviewed Free Your Mind Counseling
“Grace Moran is incredible at what she does. She is patient, professional, accommodating,and experienced. I would highly recommend her to any family or individual seeking counseling services!”
K.C. reviewed Free Your Mind Counseling
“Very easy to talk to. Non judgmental, kind, patient and wise beyond her years. Excellent confidante and counselor.”
Dr. Kimberly Benson, EdD, LMHC, CAP, CCTP, QS reviewed Free Your Mind Counseling
“Grace is a highly qualified and competent therapist within the community. She offers an environment of safety and trust which is essential in the healing therapeutic process. She has the ability to empathize with her clients and facilitate a process of growth and healing.”
2111 S. Tamiami Trail Osprey, FL 34229 941.451.7396 fymcounseling@gmail.com
S.A. reviewed Free Your Mind Counseling
“For me finding a therapist was very difficult, It never felt quite right, I was always missing a connection, then I met Grace. I had finally found the person that heard me and understood me. She was exactly who I was looking for and what I needed. Yes she is kind, dedicated, educated and professional, but what I love the most is her passion for helping others. Grace will always be a part of my life.”
-
J.F. reviewed Free Your Mind Counseling
“I feel very comfortable working with Grace and that’s a rarity for me. I do listen
to everything we talk about even though sometimes I’m not willing to take it in at
that moment, and I always reflect on our sessions. I truly appreciate the fact that
Grace has never given up on me. She continues to provide me with new perspective,
faith, and belief in myself. I can’t thank her enough-
Karen J. Murdock, LMFT reviewed Free Your Mind Counseling
“Grace is a very caring & compassionate therapist who offers quality services to her clients. Highly recommended.”